The start

All beginnings are difficult, especially those that are new. New beginnings, they sound
so promising, so hopeful, but in fact they are the hardest. Mainly because you have to let go
of all the history, but need also to realize that looking foreword is not the answer.
It's important to try and live in the moment. That is the true meaning of a new beginning.

I have a hard time doing this because I'm over analytical and try to find connections in life. Sometimes
there are no connections, or hidden meanings. Sometimes things just are the way they are. And it doesn't
always have to be so mystical and meaningful. I think it's a valuable lesson to learn to appreciate things as they are.
To appreciate the beauty in things without thinking of the (possible) counter-sides.

So new beginnings are hard, but the good thing about them though is that everything is open. Everything
can be, in a way it has never been before. All you can do is hope that you get to enjoy them as much as you can,
before they are not new beginnings anymore, just things that are. Because even though we might a little scared of the unknown
it also excites us.

Home again

About a week now I have been back in a place I call my home, my base. Its strange to realize how such a familiar place can all of the sudden feel so foreign.
I've come to realize that people that see each other daily might actually have more to discuss then when it's been months, because nobody's interested in a summary of your life for the past few months. Bits and pieces slowly connect and with that the connection returns.

A friend told me not to see myself as a victim, but to pick myself up and continue as I had been going for a while now. Before I came back home I was very productive and full of new ideas, what is it about being here that makes it go away?
I guess he was right, and part of it is feeling sorry for myself.

I guess what I'm really starting to learn are the boundaries of me. I'm starting to see more and more clearly that I am a one and not a particle of a unit. I can not function in that way, and must not want to, cause it will only frustrate me.

It's not all bad. The weather is wonderful and for the most part people around me seem happy. For now I'm just in a constant mode of transformation, which I'm sure will have some positive outcome...